by j.a.c.

All this Ms. Independent stuff seems wonderful doesn’t it? Ne-Yo has single-handedly revolutionized who the independent woman is and what it means to be one. Men and women alike seem to love the concept. My homeboy wrote once, “But Ne-Yo neatly describes the type of woman that turns me on and impresses me. Of course he doesn’t cover everything though. And yes it is something about a woman that has her stuff together and doesn’t need you but chooses to spend time with you because she genuinely enjoys you and sees as much in you as you do in her. To each his own - I know some of you fools like a trophy wife or a chick you can manipulate/control all the time - but give me Miss Independent.” Woman all around me are either stepping up their game to be the “independent woman” that Lauren London and Gabby Union portray in that stunning video, or pumping their feminist fists in the air and rolling their necks as their theme song blairs through the speakers.

Well ladies. Let me warn you. While it is great to have your own, be careful how far you take that mess. I sent a text message to a friend that said, “I’m taking your lead.” He replied back in shock, “And you follow a man’s lead?” Huh?! I’m confused. Is that surprising? If so, why? Isn’t that what woman are supposed to do - follow a man’s lead? Ladies ladies ladies. Why do we have men out here feeling like we want to handle/lead/control everything? I’m sure I don’t have to remind you but when we were created, we were created as help mates. That’s not to say that we’re weak or less qualified. Notice that Adam WOULD NOTCOULD NOT survive without Eve. Men need us! They need help. Haven’t you notice how your man can’t even pick out an outfit without asking you for advice (which is so sweet and endearing, isn’t it?)! However, it is ESSENTIAL that you let…a man…be…a man. Yes, it’s true that we pretty much run things, but because you know this (and in most cases they know this too), you have to at least let them take the lead. Let me give you an example of how this works. If you are in the car together and you suggest he takes route A which is free of traffic or cuts the travel time down by 10 minutes, yet he thinks route B is best, let him go his way. When he runs into traffic or ends up lost, don’t trip and certainly don’t say that you told him so. Let him be the man that he is and find his way out. Although it may burn you up inside and eat at your soul, simply sit back and let him have the control. Not only will it allow him to feel like he wasn’t nagged into doing something he didn’t want to do, but he’ll respect your advice (which is usually 90% correct), AND take it next time! Lol. Imagine how nice it will be next time to hear, “Babe. Which way do you think we should go?” It’s really not that hard. At least not after you get past the first burning hurdle and learn to shut your mouth! =)

The most rewarding part of it all though is that following a man’s lead who has your best interest at heart is relaxing! Talk about a load off! As an independent woman who takes care of herself and makes decisions every single day, I would find it very refreshing to come home to a man who’s got me. To be able to sit back and have someone else make all the decisions for once will be like a slice of heaven right on time. Enjoy the “headship arrangement” and the advantages of being a woman ladies. And remember, two people can’t drive one car. If you try, there will be an accident.

by j.a.c.

Do you believe in soul mates?

I googled the term to get an appropriate definition and wikipedia spit this out: a term sometimes used to designate someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity, friendship, love, intimacy, sexuality, spirituality and/or compatibility. Well then, according to wiki, I have about 3 or 4 of those! One of my soul mates is my ex-boyfriend. Our relationship was more than just a boyfriend, girlfriend thing. I want to say that we were best friends but I don’t even think ‘best friends’ accurately describes how we interacted. That term seems too pathetic. We were connected in a way that was beyond rational. To this day and 2 boyfriends later, I still refer to him as my soul mate. And then there’s my girl Nikki. We have almost nothing in common except for our spirituality. We can go a year without speaking, but as soon as we do, the conversations we have about God nearly draw us to tears. Our friendship/sisterhood is precious to me. And finally, have you ever met someone who’s a stranger one minute and your new favorite person the next? I can talk to the homie Chris ALL DAY LONG. When we speak, our conversations are dead on and the silences are perfect. We both discerned that I’m a female version of him. He’s the only person I can’t get sick of. 

But when most people are asked to define ’soul mate’, you’ll hear some version of a soul mate being the one person in the universe that is truly meant for you. Well in that case, I don’t believe in soul mates. This version is too limiting. It would be depressing to believe that there was one person for me in the entire world. What if my ’soul mate’ lived in Thailand? If I never traveled there, does that mean I’ll never meet him? Does it mean that i’m doomed and will never have true love? This world’s too big of a place to believe that there’s only one out there for you. You make and break your own relationships. If you put in the work, your souls can connect. If you don’t… well. Good luck to you. Make your own destiny! Don’t wait on the world to bring it to you.

What about you? Do you believe in Soul Mates? Hit us with a comment.

How to differentiate between convenience, coincidence, & true commitment

Spirit is the unifying force of the world. It is the energy that unites hydrogen and oxygen to make water as well as the energy that brings two people together for a purpose. As Spirit brings people, especially potential spirtual partners, into our lives it is important to be conscious of the context in which they come because it lays the foundation for the entire relationship.

We should first be thankful for the human gift Spirit has brought into our lives and secondly, we should lay the proper foundation for the edification of that relationship in the same way you would get a vase with water for a gifted rose. To be honest, if it weren’t for Facebook, many of us wouldn’t talk to half the people we called friends in college because most of those relationships were based on convenience and coincidence instead of commitment. These are the 3 context that I have observed in the beginning stages of relationships of all types: romantic, friendly, and filial.

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